You can't motorboat a personality
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
