I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
