My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
