we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
