the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
