went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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