meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
