wat bout pragnant strippers??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we should paint friendship bongs
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