my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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