She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
