the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
