We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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