I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
