um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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