Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
