I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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