Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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