She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
