I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
