Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
