she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
