the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
