remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
