I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
