Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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