You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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