dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
