Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
