is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
