I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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