She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
