I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
