FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
