I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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