Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ketchup is God's man juice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
