Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
