I am in a vortex of obligation.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
