Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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