Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
