Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
