just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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