i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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