I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
