Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
