i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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