I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
