im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
