I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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