Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
