So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
