I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
