it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You pole danced in your parka.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
