I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Panties = found
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
