i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
