so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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