Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
