You just made me feel so damn special
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
