I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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