I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
