I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
