i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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